Diagnosed with Autism: 5 First Steps for Parents

Whether you expected it or it came as a surprise, hearing that your child has been diagnosed with autism can bring a storm of thoughts and emotions all at once. Relief. Fear. Grief. Confusion. Even a strange sense of clarity. It’s the moment that feels like life just split into a before and after. You might be wondering what being diagnosed with autism for your child’s future, your family, or your ability to help them thrive.

Whatever you’re feeling right now, please know this:

You’re not alone. And you are still the best parent for your child.

I’m writing this blog because I’ve been there. I know how it feels to sit in that room, holding the paperwork, not knowing what to do next. I created this space to help guide you through those first uncertain steps. You don’t have to figure it all out today.

Let’s take it one step at a time.

What It Means to Be Diagnosed with Autism

Autism, or Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), is a developmental difference that affects how a person communicates, processes information, interacts with others, and experiences the world. Some children diagnosed with autism need more support than others – and that’s okay.

Getting diagnosed with autism doesn’t change who your child is. It is just a tool. It opens doors to services and support that can help your child learn and grow in ways that work for them.

Step One: Breathe

Take a deep breath. Inhale. Hold. Exhale.

It sounds simple, but after your child is diagnosed with autism, your brain can sprint 100 miles ahead: What therapies do we need? What school supports exist? Will my child ever…? The questions stack up so fast that you forget to pause and simply be.

The truth is, autism isn’t an emergency. Nothing about your child changed in that doctor’s office. They are the same kid who hugged you yesterday, laughed at cartoons this morning, or melted down when the tag on their shirt itched. The diagnosis just gave you a name for some of the challenges they face.

Give yourself permission to pause and let that sink in.

Step Two: Feel What You Feel

Some parents feel relief when their child is diagnosed with autism and they finally get answers. Others feel grief, worry, or guilt. Many feel a mix of everything at once. All of those emotions are valid.

If you need to cry, cry. If you feel angry, let yourself feel it. If you’re relieved, celebrate that clarity. You don’t need to compare your reaction to anyone else’s or judge yourself for it.

For me, I felt a strange blend of relief and grief when my son, Luca, was diagnosed with autism. Relief that after waiting nearly a year to see a doctor, we finally had a word for what my son was struggling with. And grief, because the picture I once had of his future shifted in that moment. 

Step Three: Learn and Gather Information

Autism is a spectrum—which means it shows up differently in every single person. Some kids diagnosed with autism need significant support in daily life. Others may struggle mostly with social situations, language, or sensory overload. No two journeys are exactly alike.

Your best starting point is to gather knowledge that helps you understand your child better.

Here are a few ideas:

• Explore practical communication tools for nonverbal children that can support early connection and expression.
• Ask the professional who gave the diagnosis about recommended next steps (therapy evaluations, school services, etc.).
• Learn from reputable sources like the CDC’s overview of autism signs and symptoms, Autism Society, or local regional centers(if you’re in California).
• Talk to other parents. Sometimes the most helpful tips come from families who have walked this road just ahead of you.
• Read these books that became like bibles to me when I was just starting out the journey.

But please remember: you don’t need to learn everything today. The autism world is full of acronyms (IEPs, ABA, OT, SLP, the list goes on). It’s easy to drown in information overload. Start small, stay curious, and keep your child at the center.

Step Four: Build Your Support System

This diagnosis isn’t something you need to carry alone. Lean on your people – family, friends, neighbors, or faith communities that you can trust. Let them bring dinner, babysit for an hour, or just sit with you while you process.

And just as importantly, connect with parents who get it. This made all the difference for me. I found some strong, encouraging moms on Instagram and YouTube who had already been where I was just starting. I even met up with a few of them in person, and hearing the words “me too” from someone who truly understood was life-giving.

You may also want to consider counseling or therapy for yourself. Parenting an autistic child can be both beautiful and exhausting. Having your own space to process emotions and refill your tank helps you show up stronger for your child.

Step Five: Remember Who Your Child Is

In the middle of research and appointments and paperwork, don’t forget: your child is still your child. They are not their diagnosis. They are funny, creative, stubborn, curious, sweet, quirky, sensitive, brilliant—and everything else that makes them them.

Hold onto the joy of who your child already is. Celebrate small victories. Take note of the moments that make you smile.

A Final Word

The words “diagnosed with autism” may feel heavy right now, but they are not the end of your child’s story. They are simply the beginning of a new chapter—one that comes with challenges, yes, but also with opportunities to understand your child more deeply than ever.

ℹ️ When you feel ready to take that next step, I’ve also written about how to connect your child to services after diagnosis. It’s a gentle guide to moving from paperwork to real-world support.

Breathe. Feel. Learn. Connect. And above all – love your child for exactly who they are.
You’ve got this. And you’re not walking it alone.