Your IEP meeting with Free Accommodation List.pdf
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If your child has an autism diagnosis, one of the most important parts of their school journey will be the IEP meeting (Individualized Education Program). This is where the school team, specialists, and you as the parent come together to decide what supports your child needs to succeed.
Making IEPs work can feel intimidating at first—but these meetings can also be incredibly encouraging when the school team is collaborative. Here’s what my own experience looked like, as well as what can happen when things don’t go as smoothly.
When Our IEP Meeting Went Well
I’ll admit—I was nervous walking into my first IEP meeting for my son. After reading so many stories of difficult experiences online, I had prepared myself for a fight. But the moment I entered the room, I realized the school team truly wanted to support him. Sitting around the table were six people: his classroom teachers, his current speech therapist, the school’s speech therapist, the occupational therapist, and even the principal. Instead of feeling intimidating, it felt like a team gathering together to rally around my child.
We walked through his needs step by step, and I shared the accommodations that would help him feel comfortable, safe, and able to learn. To my relief, the team listened with openness and respect. I left the meeting feeling like we were all on the same side, working toward the same goal: helping my son grow and succeed both academically and emotionally.
The discussion wasn’t about what he couldn’t do. Instead, it was about what could be put in place to help him thrive. We were able to go through each of his needs, one by one, and the team was open to listening and problem-solving. Here are some of the supports and accommodations we requested—and the school agreed to:
- Preferential seating
- A designated “safe spot” where he could sit, stand, or walk when overwhelmed
- Scheduled sensory breaks (such as carrying books to the library)
- Option to skip assemblies or loud events
- A quiet room for testing
- A visual schedule (provided by us if needed)
- Noise accommodations: headphones or earplugs
- Encouragement for classroom participation
- Flexibility to sit under the desk or in a reading corner if that helped regulation
- Flexibility for late arrivals to regulate in the mornings
✔️I’ve attached the full list below so you can use it as a resource for your child.
Beyond the accommodations, we also shared what type of teacher would be the best fit for him: someone encouraging, bubbly, good at redirection, and able to validate his emotions (especially when he cried).
Walking out of that meeting, I felt such relief. It didn’t feel like a battle. It felt like a partnership. And I’ll never forget how seen and supported I felt as a parent that day.
When IEP Meetings Don’t Go Smoothly
Not every IEP story is like ours. Unfortunately, many families walk into meetings that feel less like collaboration and more like conflict.
Some parents have shared that their school teams pushed back on nearly every request, claiming their child’s symptoms were “too mild” for services. Others have even been denied an evaluation altogether—schools refusing to conduct an assessment or hold an IEP meeting at all.
This is not just frustrating – it’s a violation of the law. Under federal law (IDEA, Child Find), schools are required to identify and provide appropriate educational services to all children with disabilities, from birth through age 18, no matter how small the district or how significant the disability.
Tips for Parents: Making IEPs Work
Whether you’re preparing for your first IEP or navigating a tough one, here are some takeaways from both experiences:
- Document everything. Put all conversations with the school in writing—emails are best—and ask for confirmation to protect yourself.
- Know your legal rights. Schools must provide assessment forms, complete them within 60 days, and give prior written notice; refusing or delaying can be a violation.
- Bring support. You can invite an advocate, friend, or even record the meeting (with notice) to ensure accountability and fairness.
- Be specific in your requests. Decide whether your child needs an IEP or a 504 plan, and write down what supports, accommodations, or teacher qualities will help them succeed
- Stand firm and use resources. If the school resists, ask for refusals in writing and reach out to your state’s PTI Center for free guidance and advocacy.
✨ The truth is: IEP meetings can feel like night and day depending on the school team. Some, like ours, leave you grateful and hopeful. Others can feel like a battle, requiring outside help to ensure your child’s rights are honored. But no matter what, remember – you are your child’s strongest advocate.
